I'm not going to say it any more. I'm not going to tell you that I miss you or that I love you. No more show-ups, drop-bys, missed connections, emails, soft touches, warm lips, big hugs or hands to hold. I have been good about your space. Apparently in that space you do not miss me enough for it to matter. Maybe you don't miss me at all and don't want to hurt me. Maybe it will make things easier for you to pull away further.
Nothing has changed. I am too much for you in one sense, and clearly not enough in so many ways. It makes sense that we both don't want tainted love, but I wanted more than I could possibly buy with the chips that I have been dealt. I exposed my vulnerability. I was not just giving you a bite of a muffin. It fell on deaf ears, or on mute mouths, either way the outcome stings.
You are the one who made all the decisions, in addition to your own. I gave those up when I granted you space within my world and my heart, I had no right to ask for any of it. You decided who you spent time with and when. You will always hook up with someone else on your high, and I am tired of feeling low when you forget about me.
Mediocrity is not my thing and I am tired of you making me feel ordinary. I could never tell you how your control and indifference has broken me. It's taken a toll on me mentally and emotionally to the point where I have to move on. You will never know either, that everything that I was giving you was more than what I have; that you took away the one thing that I couldn't bear to lose, my self-respect.
You don't really want me and I won't hold on to someone who doesn't want me to stay. Third in line, not win nor place but show. "Thank you" just isn't enough reciprocation.
Please forgive me. I have to go.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment